Our Diary 2009...
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JANUARY
On New Years day, we went to church. Even though we were inside the church at the beginning of the mass, towards the middle we had to come out when Kenny became really fussy. He then spent the time walking after doves that were in the church grounds. It was amazing watching him place those careful steps and we were always nearby to catch him incase he tripped. By the end of the mass time, he could take easily 12-14 steps. By 10th januaryhe was walking easily and was more interested in walking than having someone carry him.
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FEBRUARY
On Feb 14th, we went to the global village, and I went horse riding. I also took kenny and held him with Dominic standing beside me and the horse while I sat on the horse, even though he was a bit scared and seemed glad later, to be back in his appa's arms. He was fascinated by the place and frightened by the sounds of the roller coster and the fun city area.
On 25th, we went to church for Ash Wednesday, and Kenny had the asn cross on his forehead. By the 25th, he was able to hold his baby bottle by himself and drink.
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MARCH
After much insisting from, we finally agreed to send him with Amma (grandmother) to India to stay 2 months. It was planned that we would go in June to attend Joppu & Tina wedding and when we returned we would bring him back with us. I, did not want to send him at all, but with the work load at my office and everything, I was worrying if he was getting all the attention he needed, so I finally agreed, knowing that 2 months in Inida with his grandparents would help him a lot in his mental & physcial develpoment and would make him a bit stronger as well. It would also be a break for me and Dominic as well.
On March 5th, with Amma (grandmother) and Joppu, Kenny boarded the Air Arabia flight to Cochin, in the afternoon. I had taken the day off and so had Dominic. We took a lot of photos and videos together before he left.
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APRIL
From the 5th of March till May 14th Kenny was with Dominic's parents, in India. It was a wonderful time that he had. He loved to sit on his grandfather's shoulder and visit all the neighbours and the children. By the time the 2 months were done, he could identify 'fan...an', 'van... ann', 'jeep... jip', '1, 2, 3.... un, thu, theee', 'jcb... jgb (for the bulldozer), 'ente ammo ...an ammo', ' tata pokam.... tata poam', 'tata byebye... tata byby', 'olichay kanday... olichay annday' and imitate people laughing, repeat things he heard.
He was unfortunately also forgetting us, as even though we would talk on the phone, and he could see our photos, his baby memory couldn't keep us in his mind.
In a way these were the 3 months I most regretted of my life. Weekends were slow torture and the house seemed empty without Kenny. Weekdays were more bearable, as work kept us busy. I didnt even want to touch my digital cameras as taking a photo of us without him, felt like I was taking a photo of me with my arms or legs cut off. I felt so incomplete, as if I had lost something, a whole big chunk of something. What I didnt realise in this time, was that these emotions were just the tip of the iceberg.
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MAY
On May 15th early morning, we arrived. He was just waking up... and he smiled.
He had forgotten us almost completely, but there was something he recognized. This was something, even though I had been warned, I wasn't emotionally prepared for. The two week vacation I had been so looking forward to suddenly turned into a nightmare. As much as I knew why Kenny could not recognise us, why he would run to his grandparents when he was upset or sad, my heart couldnt' take it. The more I tried to convince myself, the more I felt misrable with the choice I had made by staying away from him. It was at this time, I was thinking of some of my collegues, who had to leave their babies behind in their native country and could only see them once in a year or two. I really felt for them. Dominic really tried to help me, being a guy, he was being really practical, but me, being the mother, and beign an emotional woman, nothing could console me, it was too much for me to accept, and as much as I tried, I couldn't. It was something that was perfectly sensible and expected, that made no sense to me. I didnt' want to understand and even though I tried, I couldn't understand.
I decided that I would never do this again, and even though we had an initial plan to put Kenny in Abu Dhabi once we returned to work, I cancelled it. I told mummy about my feelings and how I could not put kenny away from me again for more than a week (if it really needed) at the most, and she understood. I would rather resign and stay with him, than him be away from me for so long.
We spent the next two weeks together always, even though it took him a while to get attached to us. By the time we went to Chertala to visit my mother's father, that is my grand father, he was really attached to them.
On 30th May, we left Kangirappally. Dominic's parents came with us to see us off at the airport. After we checked in and waited for our flight, Kenny suddenly remembered appapa (grandfather) and he started looking around the airport for him. It was really heartbreaking to watch him call out ' appapa' and run around the waiting area. We tried to distract him and console him.
We landed that night at sharjah, and Joppu and Kiran picked us up from the airport, so that we could have dinner at Joppu house. After dinner, they dropped us off at our home which was just a few minuted drive away.
When we entered the building, the elevator frightenend kenny, as it had been long and he had forgotten ever entering an elevator.
On 31st May, we went to abu dhabi to my parents (his grandparents) and he was seeing them after almost 3 months. Of course he had forgotten them too, but he liked Appupa (grandfather) almost immediately.
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JUNE
On 1st evening we returned to Dubai and we took him to see Anu and his family and their helper mollychechi, his old baby sitter, for a month and a half, last year. But just like everything else, he had forgotten them too. Seeing Akku & Sakku bought back some vague memories, but nothing more. The next day, on the 2nd, we dropped him off with molly chechi and went downstairs to see how he would be. He cried so much that he even vomitted and we rushed back to take him. On the 3rd, I rejoined work and Dominic took an extra day off. We tried again to leave him with mollychechi, but he cried so much and Dominic had to pick him up and then in the afternoon, after picking me up, we went to Abu Dhabi so that he could be with my mummy. On the 4th, we left him with mummy and went off to work. He didnt cry and was ok the whole day.
We then started thinking about how to settle him into some stable routine and keep him happy as well while we were at work. As I had previously decided and explained to mummy, I didnt want to leave him in Abu Dhabi and come on weekends only to see him, and travelling on a daily basis was not pratical either as it would take its toll on Dominic. It was either I had to resign or send Kenny to playschool. After much debating and thinking over, we finally decided that maybe we shoud put him at a playschool. We decided on Little Star nursery, where my cousin, Anup's daughter, sarah was already enrolled at.
On Sunday, June the 7th, we enrolled Kenny at Little Star Nursery. On the 8th, morning at 7:30am, we dropped him at the nursery. That day was not so good, he cried a lot, but he was ok. When we went to pick him up at 2 pm, he burst out crying on seeing us. But the teachers told the that even though he was crying, he had cried much less than most children on their first day.
On the 9th, it was the same, he cried when we left, but after a while stopped crying, but would cry inbetween when he thought of us. It was better on the 10th, as he cried only when he was hungry, sleepy or when at 2, we arrived to pick him up and he saw us.
On the 11th, morning, he had the symptoms of a runny nose. It was expected, as being in a playschool, with so many kids, he was bound to start getting sick on and off for the few initial months. The moment we drove upto the nursery, he started to cry, we picked him and gave him to mollychech and gracychechi, and they consoled him. But when he saw his teacher, his stopped crying and I saw him stop crying from the gate, and was able to leave feeling much better.
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